The Stuff That Matters

"The most important things in life ~ Aren't things."  ~Anthony J D'Angelo

My sisters & I have been cleaning out our parents home. It is a challenging task of dismantling over 40 years accumulation of furniture, travel mementos, collection of treasures, volumes of photo albums, some clutter, and the energy, emotions and memories embedded in the "things" that reflect their Lives.

The surface stuff is easily dealt with. It's identifiable, light, relatively insignificant yet it serves as a shield for what's hidden beneath.

We work in layers, clearing away the barrier of distraction- the stuff none of us is attached to. Gearing up before each work session, we prepare ourselves for the next go around. Once focused, we're able to systematically make decisions as to the future of each item.

Is it trash? - the clutter, easily bagged, detached, and complete

Or charitable? -another person's treasure, shared with a light heart and dispersed with enthusiasm

Is it worthy of consideration? - causing a lull in the process and qualifying it for yet another evaluation

Could it be meaningful? - a treasured, tangible possession, filled with emotion and memory, anchored in the present

We make good progress in creating piles. We physically move items to the garage or to a corner personally designated for someone's new stuff. However, the energy of our activity diminishes as we plunge into the objects that are meaningful. As in an auction, each item is brought up, evoking memories and stories of our experiences and relationship with it.

We reminisce in laughter, joking and teasing, or shed a tear in lessons learned, reliving the encouragement and love we still feel. Occasionally when we get stuck, whether a hiccup or a cliffhanger, we are reminded in Mother's voice, "No big deal girls, it's just stuff!"

Working on this daunting task with my sisters has generated much introspection. During my quiet drives up and down Bear Creek Canyon, I am alone to process my thoughts and feelings. What I have come to recognize is that this experience is just another metaphor in life's journey.

We are Spiritual beings having a physical, human experience. The Universal Law of Reflection is demonstrated by our inner world living out in the "things and results" of our outer world. This event in my life is the epitome of transformation: the process of letting go, being open to something new, and allowing myself to move forward. It is the cycle of Life!

In keeping with my commitment to self-actualization, what do I do, now, with this new awareness?

What internal stuff am I to be letting go of?

What is the trash of my thoughts?

What am I busy doing for others that is not mine to do?

What have I deemed worthy- about myself or how I show up in the world?

What is truly meaningful?  What is MY significance, integrity, and purpose?

Deep within me, I hear my inner wisdom reminding me ~

shed the superficial, the barrier of things,

and clear the path to what resides,

in my Heart

            ~the stuff that matters...

Take Measure of a Man

Last July, his body riddled with melanoma and given a prognosis of 3 to 6 months, my Father, championed by his three daughters, made a tough decision. Hearts heavy with uncertainty, the decision was made to stop focusing on his disease; the Dr’s appointments, the endless tests, the diverse opinions and well meaning recommendations. No longer would we allow the cancer that was consuming his body, to consume our lives as well. We shared eleven more months together -Celebrating Life!  When my Father passed recently and  joined our Mother, we mostly rejoiced -in gratitude and peace.

        “Only when a tree has fallen can you take the measure of it.
                       It is the same with a man”  ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

    How do you “take measure” of a tree?  Or for that matter, of a man?

 I learned as a girl that you can tell the age of a tree by counting the number of rings
displayed in its trunk.  The tree’s core is tightly wound portraying the infancy of it’s Life. As the tree grows, it expresses itself, outwardly into the world, with each passing  year.  When I think of “taking measure of a man”, of my Father, fragments of his rings, bond together to span a lifetime of 87 years.

 Through living his life, my Father taught me about honesty, persistence, justice, responsibility, integrity, generosity, discipline, commitment, loyalty & Love!
Several values I learned from him, float up to me now as cherished memories.

Whether it was taking out the trash, wiping down the kitchen counter, picking up litter, or raking leaves, doing a thorough and complete job was paramount. I remember watching my Dad mow the lawn in the back yard, shirtless and in bermudas.  He skillfully trimmed the grass in a systematic pattern, then moved the sprinkler every few feet, his activity, synchronized to a science.  ~the satisfaction of a job well done

 Family trips were special times where we got to have all of him!  He was more tolerant of our childish energy and even enjoyed our antics. He played games with us in the pool-short man/tall man, throwing us in the air- we flew like dolphins before disappearing under the water to come back around for our next turn. And those special dinners out with his “four girls", the adoration and devotion to my Mother, his soul mate of 62 years ~the joy of love & family

 Teaching me to build the perfect fire in the fireplace of our family room- beginning with bringing in the right kindling and logs from the garage, wadding single sheets of newspaper into a ball, laying the fuel out like a log cabin, and with stick matches- lighting it back to front.  And then the importance of tending the fire....oh, how I love the tending, even today. ~an advantageous, lifelong skill

 Allowing me to join him on the roof of our house to help adjust the weather vane- I remember feeling bigger than life, exhilarated! Standing on top of the world, looking out over our neighborhood, I felt safe & special with my Dad. 
~the elation of sharing a heightened perspective

 Teaching me to Drive!  To practice safely, he took me out on the dirt roads in the country (in those days, there were dirt roads and there was country)  We were rambling along when he instructed me to turn right at the next intersection. I promptly did so, skidding on the gravel and ending up in the ditch facing the other direction.  Whether I was more afraid of what had just happened or of what my Father was going to say, I don't know. Yet, in his deep, steady “learn this lesson” voice, he turned to me and said slowly, “Jani, in the future; you're going to want to slow down, before you turn!" ~the gift of appropriate feedback/instruction

The rings of a tree tell us only the number of years the tree lived. They share nothing of its character or the story of its journey.  There are no words, no manner of expression, that can begin to convey the  quality of a Life or the value of a man.  

Certainly in my heart,  my Father was, 

and will always be ~ 

beyond measure!

Take a moment to Breathe... and ask yourself:

Why do we hesitate in the present - to acknowledge the greatness of our loved ones?  

What is it we wait for - before honoring and celebrating their unique contribution?   

What if we decide - to express our love and gratitude today?

And what if  we let go - of our reasons to wait?

Allowing Trash to Teach

While enjoying my walk at Evergreen Lake this morning, I would reach down and collect bits of trash and hold them in my gloved hand until I reached the next trash receptacle. Having discarded my collection, I walked freely for a time. Then as I’d spy another cigarette butt, gum wrapper, piece of foil or some remnant of building material, I continued with my trash detail.

As a kid, my parents taught us “Don’t be a Litterbug!” Any trash we might have or create on a picnic or while traveling in the car, was to be disposed of responsibly.

Growing up in my native Colorado -the state of pristine air, water, and land - we rarely saw trash along the roadside or on the path at a park or campsite. Yet when we did, we knew it was our job to take care of it. Which we did!

I remember one of us (probably me) asking Dad why WE had to pick up somebody else’s trash when it wasn’t even ours in the first place. The meaning of my father’s answer has stuck with me my entire life, hence, my activity today. “It isn’t your fault when others litter. But when you find trash along your path, it then becomes your responsibility and your job to deal with it!”

As I continued on my way and with each new contribution to my pile, this is the thought that came to me: We all participate on this path, this path we call Life. We all contribute in some way, either positively or destructively, depending on “where we are” in our own lives, at the moment.

As I was pondering this thought and feeling pretty good about my contribution this morning, another memory floated up. I was reminded of another time, when I was not living in alignment with my values, my truth; a time when I was lost, searching, and acting out destructively in the interim.

It was in the mid 80’s and I was driving a “demo” while working with my father at the Chevrolet Dealership. I smoked then. I adhered to the rule of No Smoking in company cars by not putting my ashes or cigarette butts in the ash tray. Instead, I’d flick the ashes out the window and then chuck the butt out too, being sure, of course, that the area I was contributing to, was relatively free of combustible terrain. After all, I didn’t want to start a forest fire!

One such time I was driving along Upper Bear Creek Road and just before turning into the Lakepoint Center for an appointment, I flipped my cigarette butt out the window. Imagine my embarrassment when a man, clad in a cycling outfit, opened the door to the establishment, walked across the room, and in front of all the other patrons, held up my cigarette butt and exclaimed, “Excuse me madam, I think you dropped this!”

There is a descriptive root word in embarrassment that contributed to my shame that day. Regardless of the other destructive behaviors I continued for several more years, I never again threw out another cigarette butt!

Rather than pass judgement on those who originated the trash on my path this morning, I acknowledge a different focus with gratitude. Today I live in a place of consciousness that allows me to be a positive contributor. My contribution is to take responsible action on my own path, thus, clearing the path for others to follow and enjoy. Today, I Celebrate my part!

Take a minute to ask yourself-

• Is there someone or some situation in my Life today, that I am judging?

• And if there is, What is my role and how am I contributing?