BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE!

BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE!

“No amount of self-improvement can make up for
any lack of self-acceptance.”

— Robert Holden

If you’re like me, you might have sighed a bit of relief when January ended. January has a reputation for demanding that we make a big push to complete everything that didn’t get finished, accomplished or experienced last year.

For most of us, this isn’t a new challenge. It’s  just a new version of wishing that has cycled around again.

Rather than engaging in forward momentum we can get stuck in what we believe might be lacking in our lives. From this self-imposed pressure, we begin to judge and criticize ourselves for not doing or being more!

Which brings us into February; the month of love.

The hoax of February is that love and acknowledgement can be found outside of ourselves. We search for validation from others as proof that we are more than we’ve been judging ourselves to be!

And here is where Robert Holden’s quote provides us some clarity and direction.

No matter what effort we make to improve ourselves, we will fail if we  come from a place of self-judgment. We must learn to acknowledge and accept where we are in the present, before we can successfully make any changes.

Here are 3 daily practices that I use to help me to be present and to process the energies that can sabotage my growth and happiness. I offer these as a guideline to support you to Be Your Own Valentine:

1) Monitor your Self-Talk. You know that constant berating that goes round in your head, questioning your decisions, doubting your abilities,  and judging your value? Listen to the language you use when you talk to yourself or about yourself with others.

When you become aware of how negative or condescending you sound, stop! Take a deep breath and then reframe what you have said to yourself in a positive supportive way.
 
- Ask yourself if what you just said is really true?
 - Restate your message in the same voice and words you would use
    when talking with a child, a close friend, or your beloved pet.
- When you hear yourself use the word “should,” replace it with “could.”
     
It’s amazing how changing one word can transform the entire emotional energy of your message.
     
2) Random Forgiveness. The moment you become aware you are beating yourself up for a perceived or perhaps real mistake you’ve made, practice this short energy shifter.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions out loud:
Could I let go of needing to beat myself up about this, just for now?
Breathe. (yes)
Just for now, could I forgive myself for whatever mistake I believe I’ve made?
Breathe. (yes) 
And when I forgive myself, how does that make me feel?
Breathe. (state the feeling - good, better, relieved)
Could I allow myself to just feel (your feeling) for now?
Breathe. (yes)  

Developing a spontaneous practice of forgiving yourself may seem a bit lame or unnecessary. Yet when we make a habit of checking in with ourselves to clear our personal judgements, we give our negative energies a way to dissipate before we can stuff them!

3) Acknowledge & Accept. Each time we catch ourselves doing something good, or following through to complete something important to us, we cast a ripple of appreciation on our hearts.

When we make a point to acknowledge ourselves (out loud is always most powerful) we ease out our resistance and create a space for self-acceptance.

When we let go of our need to make ourselves more, we set ourselves free! From this place of self-acceptance, we can see, love and appreciate who we already are!

PONDER THIS:

What are 3 ways you could be kind, loving, and accepting of yourself this Valentine’s Day?

Reviving My Dreams

Reviving My Dreams

“My dreams are waiting for me to come true.”

— Temple Hayes

What? Wait a minute. That doesn’t sound right. My dreams are waiting for Me to come true?  Oh…NOW I get it.

This past year, I have been visiting my creative self from a critical, perhaps untrusting place. Turning 65 in May somehow jinxed my appreciation for all that I have accomplished and more specifically, hindered my faith in my ability to create more!

I was asked in a coaching session, what accomplishments must happen so I consider my Life to have been satisfying and well-lived?

Easily the milestones of my 31 years of sobriety, motherhood, and publishing my first book -flowed up in response. What I valued next was providing for my family, showing up daily with integrity, traveling and experiencing other cultures, practicing with myself and others -forgiveness and love.

But it was the next question I was asked that really stumped me.

What secret ambition, desire or dream do I fantasize about?

My mind went blank. I searched for an answer and came up with nothing. Hum…apparently I hadn’t fantasized in a very long time. And as I looked at that void in my Life, I realized I’d missed out on all the natural joy that comes with it.

Most of my Life I’ve imagined how I’d like the next decade or phase of my Life to look. My dreams generally presented with intuitive clarity and I set goals to move forward in my chosen direction. Somewhere in my mid 50’s, my clearly defined path became obscure and disjointed. Not in a bad way, just uncharted, unfamiliar, I felt ignorant to the new possibilities.

Do you remember a time (the 70’s perhaps?) when folks who were “reborn” talked about finding God? I always enjoyed hearing the cheeky response, Oh? I didn’t know God was lost!

Similarly, it was not my dreams that were lost, but my connection to my intuition and focus. As I thought about the dreams that were waiting for me, a slow internal smile warmed through my heart.

Of course my dreams wait for me. They’re my dreams! They belong to me and are of my own creation. My dreams wait for me- ever so patiently- to imagine, to align vibrationally, and to take responsible action to manifest them!

My dreams are the parts of me I have yet to express to the outside world.

I sat with this awareness for a bit. I traveled back through the year to discover that I had been fantasizing all along- it just looked and felt different than before.

My ambitions, desires, and dreams have actually evolved into 3 categories, a kind of triangular foundation for self expression:

🕉 Personal Self Care

I returned to Nick’s Pro Fitness after an 8 year hiatus since my Mother died. Nick Kapande still inspires and motivates me to stay aligned with my personal integrity and self-discipline.

In just 3 weeks, my physical, mental, and emotional health have been rejuvenated. I’m enjoying a renewed sense of belonging and connection. And most importantly, I feel really good about myself and my health!

☯️ Cultivate Quality Relationships

One thing I learned from my nasty fall in June, is that my new equine partner Milo, speaks a whole different language than the one I knew with Peanut Butter. Our initial bond remains strong and true. Yet now I realize the value of learning together- the rhythm and dance of a new relationship.

I reconnected with Tanya Buck, my original trainer, riding coach, and long time friend. With Tanya to help show us the way, I trust Milo and I are in for a beautiful journey together.

☸️ My Professional Contribution

Three years ago I closed my business office and classroom. I wrote my Celebrate! book and blogs from home. I traveled to meet with my coaching clients at the library, in conference rooms, back tables at restaurants, while hiking outdoors, and in their private homes. It all worked well until it didn’t. 

I acknowledged my deep desire for my own creative, quiet, space.

I believed I deserved to have it. I gave myself permission and honored my decision by taking action.

And just like that, my new perfect office surfaced! It has space for small groups, coaching, and even a writing nook. It’s within walking distance from home and preserves the old Evergreen energy and charm that I have treasured for over 39 years. Already my enthusiasm and creativity are reignited and I haven’t even moved in! 

PONDER THIS 

What action could you take to honor a dream that you fantasize about?

Deliberate Effort

“Your relief has come in response to some deliberate effort that you have offered. For when you are able to consciously find relief, then you have regained creative control of your own experience, and then you are on your way to wherever you wish to go.”

— Abraham-Hicks

Whether it be an escape from a negative relationship, reassurance while taking a risk, or simply the alleviation of a persistent irritant, we all want to experience a sense of relief and freedom.

Yet rather than trust the clear voice of our intuition, its gift of Good Orderly Direction, we sometimes feign ignorance. We justify taking the easier, softer way. This particular path rarely makes us feel better or changes anything.

We lose sight of the direct correlation between our conscious participation and our ability to affect change. We fall into complacency and begin to complain that we are the victims of our situation.

The truth is we are not limited or immobilized by any circumstance. It is our state of mind and our need to judge, that has us believing we are powerless.

Gandhi tells us, “Happiness is when what we think, what we say, and what we do, are in harmony.”  

It is essential to actively take charge of our thoughts and the language we use with ourselves and others. It is our responsibility to be intentional in our actions, to listen to our inner guidance for our next right step!

We’ve got to roll up our sleeves and stay focused on what we want. When we stay the course and are willing to do what it takes to plow forward, new possibilities and rewards abound!

And here’s the really good news:  When we make conscious choices and take action that honors and respects ourselves, we create and set into motion ~ the highest and greatest good for all others as well.

Ponder This:

Where in your Life are you ready to consolidate your efforts to take back your creative control?

Revive Your Valiant Warrior

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

— Brene' Brown

Have you ever felt like staying in bed and pulling the covers over your head so you could hide from the world?

I confess this is exactly what I’ve done and more than once. It was my answer to escape what I thought was threatening me.  Something out there I just couldn’t bear dealing with.  The disappointing thing is, that my hiding didn’t bring me relief at all.  It only added fuel to the part of me that was feeling vulnerable & weak.

Avoiding or hiding from the things in Life that make me feel sad or uncomfortable has always led me to a sort of self-loathing and disconnect. Rather than experiencing relief, I found the energy of my feelings actually intensified under my denial.

Through my Coaching work with others, I’ve learned I am not alone in wrestling with this feeling of doubt.

Courage is defined as the ability to do something that frightens one.

Or the strength we demonstrate in the face of pain or grief. 

The next time you consider checking out ~why not make a decision to be seen and trust your Valiant Warrior to show up?

There have been times while acknowledging my fear or despondent heart, I chose to move forward. And though my actions may have appeared less than graceful . . . I survived.  

In fact, taking that shaky step forward empowered me and filled me with self-respect. When you find yourself getting called to the front lines of your own battle, you are at a turning point of decision.

You can either forge forward to experience Victory or hide in the trees, living in regret. 

There is a Valiant Warrior in each of us. It is our brave fighter who demonstrates our strength and determination. It is our true grit, the keeper of our moxie. Let’s celebrate together the glory of our courage!  

Ponder This:  
When have you been empowered by stepping forward rather than running?

If you so choose, please share your experience in the comments below!

Stuck in the Solution

“Unhappiness is not a sin; it is an opportunity to be truthful and to heal.”

— Robert Holden

Let’s just think about that for a moment. A common belief for many is that if we are unhappy ~ there is surely something wrong with us.

Or we have the belief that living unhappily is a place of exile where we’ve been forced to exist. We are victims. Someone, something, some situation or circumstance has robbed us of our ability to be happy.

At the very least we think this lonely wretched place is our punishment for somehow not knowing or Being enough!

Poppycock!

What if this way of thinking ~ this perpetuated belief ~ simply wasn’t true?

In my Life whenever I’ve felt unhappy, I was usually stuck in thinking about the past & hung up on the “if only’s” and “poor me’s”. I was fixed in a pattern of blaming something outside of me for my emotional state.  

It wasn’t until I got sick & tired of being sick & tired, that I became open to seeing the true source of my unhappiness.

The cool thing is that when I was open, I could also be honest. 

“And the truth shall set you free.”

By letting go of my hold on my negative beliefs that made me feel powerless, I stopped holding others responsible for my feelings. 

PONDER THIS: 

When has your awareness of Being unhappy been the key to unlocking your solution?