Listen for the Whisper

5 Questions to Ponder to Help you Navigate Holiday Energies

“With a thousand different voices ringing in my ear
I listen for the whisper that only the heart can hear.”

— Jana Stanfield

It’s that time of year when everything appears to accelerate even faster and Life’s chaos is expressed more fanatically than ever!

 It can be especially challenging to find the joy, love, and peace that I believe- are the true gifts of this season.

 Whether with family of origin or of choice, holidays can bring out the best and the worst of behaviors. The oughts and shoulds blare loudly from both outside and in, no matter how we might have grown or now live our daily lives.

A strange phenomenon occurs when we come together to celebrate holiday traditions. Stranger still, can be the experience we create for ourselves by the cyclic thoughts and triggered feelings of old wounds and beliefs of our past.

If you find yourself in secret agreement with me, know that there is hope for all of us! 

When I notice I’m getting sucked into the holiday frenzy, I remind myself of  the tools that can help me navigate this volatile period. There are things I can do to support myself and the experience I want to have.

Here are 5 questions I ask myself. Asking myself questions connects me with the heart of my best self. The whispered answers offer me courage, direction and support. All that is necessary is to give myself permission to show up and interact from this place.

 Try it for yourself: Ask yourself a question aloud, take a deep breath, and allow your answer to come with the exhale.

1)        What one thing can I do to demonstrate self-care?

Consider adding conscious periods (even moments) of Being Alone.

Escape to the outdoors, focus on the gifts of nature, Breathe in…Life.

Excuse yourself to the restroom if that’s what you can do! Give yourself a time out from people and situations that activate you. Take a breather/ break from any negative energy-  especially if that energy emanates from you. Do anything in the moment that shifts your focus to self-care!

 2)  What invitation or obligation can I graciously decline?

Saying yes when you really mean no - is one of the greatest ways you can sabotage your happiness and fuel your self-judgement. Without needing to figure out why you do it, could you honor your inner voice? It is enough to graciously decline without needing to offer excuses or explanations.

 3)  Where can I give of myself to others?

Giving of yourself does not mean depleting your gifts or ignoring what you value. Giving of things is rarely what brings Joy. And if it does, it is short lived. It is not the thing itself that generates a hold on our hearts, but the feelings and the act of sharing that continues to live on in our memories.

Look to see where you might give of yourself differently this year.

Be what you love and give that to others.

 4)  Which holiday tradition or activity do I choose to celebrate?

My Mother use to say that the holidays were “Moms Big Production.” Trying to do it all to please everyone can leave you exhausted and perhaps feeling resentful . Yet there are those specific traditions that fill your heart and represent what you love about the holidays. Give yourself permission to selectively choose to participate in those. Listen to the whisper to create new ways to celebrate and generate fresh joy in your holiday traditions.

 5)  Where can I accept and be compassionate with myself and others?

Most of our angst and hurt feelings come from unresolved issues and embellished memories of our past. So it’s easy to see how holiday events and reunions with families could naturally aggravate our bruises.

When we recognize that others might be having their own challenging and uncomfortable experience, our need to judge and resist them diminishes.

And when we let go of judging others, we feel less judged ourselves.

Choose to accept that everyone is doing the best they can in the moment, including you. Choose to be compassionate and discover ways to demonstrate that this season!

 With love & light, I honor the place where you and I are one.

 JMM

Reluctant Acceptance

“ Resistance to what is creates the suffering.”

       ~ Buddha

It’s funny how clarity can come to me from a restless night’s sleep.  How every waking moment, I am aware of a relentless mantra of thought, plaguing me with some responsibility to do something about it.

Clearly, this morning the message is about “letting go of the Barnwood”.  

This summer we have been fortunate to finally remodel our (my) bathroom.  It is the last room to be renovated of the original summer cabin built in the 1940’s.  We have made cosmetic enhancements to the bathroom over the past 31 years, yet for the most part, it has remained limited and archaic.

I’ve had a lot of time to imagine how I’d like my bathroom to be. You know some of our best thinking is done in that room.  In addition to a larger walk-in shower with a seat, a floor that is level and a two sink vanity withdrawers, my primary focus has been on the decor.

I knew I wanted bold, dramatic granite, stones on the floor of the shower, copper sinks, and lots of rock and wood.  Barnwood, that is!

Growing up as a “cowgirl” in Colorado, I have always had a fondness for Barnwood.  I love the stories inherent in the wood, the connection to earth and animals, and the transformation it makes over time.  

My Grandfather had a farm with a barn in Illinois. My younger sister and I had horses as kids and loved “growing up in a barn”.  My two Andrew Wyeth prints, Wind from the Sea, and Christina’s World I’ve had since I was a teenager are treasures especially because they are framed in Barnwood.

Finding the Barnwood for this project was quite the task. I discovered the best and closet resource on Craig’s List.  It had already been a full day when we headed out in Danny’s big truck to locate the Barnwood guy’s property.  Though our destination was nearly two hours southeast of Evergreen, we were grateful for an evening without rain and enjoyed the lush green scenery and colorful sky.

Eureka! The Barnwood Guy had a hillside stacked with choices.  While battling giant mosquitos and our urgency to complete our mission, we diligently combed through the selection. When the last of the perfect Barnwood was loaded into the truck, we headed home feeling exhausted yet triumphant!

For the next two weeks the Barnwood was milled into desired widths and sections ready for use.  On schedule the wood and two beautiful custom doors were delivered.  I literally danced around from my excitement!

Yet I couldn’t help but notice the prevalent chemical odor that waifed through the front door as the wood presented itself on the driveway.

Although I tried to make light of it, we could all smell the heavy creosote that had been unleashed by the milling.  

We discussed various ways to clean or seal the wood to eliminate the problem.  At last we stored the doors in the garage and looked to the morning for answers.

All night I experienced a nagging, aching feeling of impending doom.

Bryan was up by the time I wandered out at 4:15 am. Together we sat on the couch not talking about the thing that laid heavy on our hearts.  I finally shared about the night I had and my major concerns regarding the odor. From his iPad, he quickly shared with me the nasty facts he had learned about creosote.

What a relief it was to hear the gravity of this information. There was nothing left to hold on to! There were no more questions to be asked.

The truth of this beautiful Barnwood was that it could be used outside only, and that was that. 

This truth freed me of my resistance, allowed me to accept the situation, and opened me up to new possibilities. 

Eventually I would choose rough cut cedar to make its stand in our bathroom. Its’ fresh, earthy, woody aroma helps me celebrate the joy that comes from acceptance.

PONDER THIS. . . 

What have you reluctantly let go of that opened you up to the joy of acceptance?

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.