Letting Go is a Process

"I've never felt a pain that didn't bear a blessing."

~ Gene Knudson Hoffman

My sisters & I shared a week together last Fall spreading the ashes of our Mother & Father throughout Arizona and Colorado; specifically at all the favorite places of their life together.

It was a beautiful sojourn beginning at Phoenix Jr College, their home in Scottsdale, the desert where our Mother walked, and ending in Sedona ~ a truly sacred place of vortex, healing energy, and sweet memories of our parents and times shared together there.

Then on to Boulder CO  ~ CU campus where our parents met, fell in love and began their 62 years together. We continued to share Mom & Dad's ashes throughout Colorado; at the Genesee overlook where Mother received Dad's fraternity pin, the river path in Avon and the Walking Mountains Science Center where a stone plaque honors our Mom.  We ate at all our favorite restaurants and even found a lovely book store in Edwards, that welcomed us home. 

There were some tears for each of us, yet being together, honoring our parents in this way, softened the reality of our loss and nurtured the gratitude and love we have for each other.  How very blessed we were to be able to suspend our daily lives in order to focus on the life gifts of our parents.  

Recently, we took the last of Mom's ashes back to her home town of Oregon, Illinois. Growing up, we girls rode the train overnight with Mother, to visit our grandparents, Aunt & Uncle and cousins.  We stayed for weeks during the summer and learned about lightning bugs, the melancholy song of the Whippoorwill, and humidity.

We stayed at a bed & breakfast and took Mom for one last time to the places of our favorite memories;  Lowden State Park, with the statue of Chief Blackhawk and White Pines Park where the river flows over the road and they serve family style breakfast in the lodge on Sundays.  

Spending time with our Uncle and Cousins made for a bittersweet visit; fanning the joy of our memories and at the same time, allowing our grief to breathe renewed. . .

For me, completing the "LeSue Ash Tour" brought new understanding and acceptance of the cycle of Life. By honoring and letting go of the physical elements of my parents, 

I was freed to embrace a new and everlasting bond.  

For that blessing, I am truly Grateful.

LOVE - Our Planetary Connection!

Mother's Day is Sunday, May 11th, 2014.  It also happens to be my 60th birthday; a great day for a double Celebration of Life!

This past month, the Mothers of two of my dearest friends have made their transitions.  My own Mother left this life abruptly ~almost two and a half years ago.  And although I am a Mother myself, it is my Mother who I long for, honor and cherish this weekend!

 
This Mother's Day, 

I choose to honor the gift of Life! 

I acknowledge the great contribution all Mother's make to our world. 

I celebrate Mother Earth herself ~ abundantly, unconditionally expressing herself,  as Love. 

Peace...like a river ~ unharnessed flowing freely, ever ready to seek the path of least resistance.  As a rock along its bank, I hold true to the steady trials and the confrontation of the independent, non-biased power of its will.

Lapping along the edge, remaining constantly suspended, I acknowledge my flexibility, my willingness to ride in tandem in the direction of its choosing.

Peace. . . the absence of struggle ~ the silent sound, vibrating, expressing, celebrating the now moment.

I am at home in nature; in the rumblings of an impending storm, the symphony song of birds chirping, winged bug buzzing, water rushing.

Observe the demonstration of our invisible conductor's rhythm ~ commanding obedience ~ while praising each instrument, effortlessly blending, uniting into one heart. . . Mother Earth.

Hell in the Hallway

Mother Earth is changing. 

 Tax season is nearing an end.

Daylight savings is upon us. 

Winter is on its way out and Spring playfully, 

almost cautiously, flirts for our attention.

It tis the season for letting the old go and embracing the new.

May we be kind and loving with ourselves and others 

as we do the same. 
 

If you want to change, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; 

but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see 

the one which has been opened for us."
 

These words from Helen Keller soften the reality, that feeling of being 

stuck or what I call  "Hell in the Hallway!"
 

 I have a sign above my office door that reads:  

"Life begins at the end of your Comfort Zone!"  

Upon reading this message, most experience a hint of amusement 

and at the same time, an inkling of inner discomfort.

Needing to be comfortable is one of the strongest driving energies that keep us from making changes, taking risks or actually experiencing and manifesting what we want in Life.  

It's quite subtle really. We stay where we are, in the familiar, having the same experiences over and over again.  Some of us convince ourselves that it's not so bad ~ that our health, our relationships, our daily activities and even our contribution ~ are good enough. We are accustomed to this plateau in our life; it feels safe. It can also be an empty and boring existence if we hold tight to this position for years. Denying ourselves growth and change ~ smothers our very spirit and squeezes out the passion of our dreams.

 Letting go of "needing to be comfortable" frees us up immediately for new experiences.  When we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable, to lower our "shield of familiar", we liberate our courage and enthusiasm for Life and welcome new possibilities!

In the past, I broke out of my comfort zone kicking and screaming- sure that I would drown or be lost.  Then after treading water uncontrollably, (again letting go) I would come up for air to find new information there waiting for me. 

A new identity, a new consciousness with a whole new set of beliefs and understanding, would present itself.   Over the years as I've learned to stop judging myself and the process, making changes in my life have become easier, more enjoyable and definitely more rewarding.

Yet standing in that middle space, that place between "letting go" and "embracing the new" can feel like oblivion, even Hell.  No longer aligning with the old, and not yet recognizing the new.

"When you choose to create harmony, cooperation,

 sharing, and reverence for Life, 

you activate all the parts of your personality that prevent 

you from creating those things 

so that you can recognize them and heal them, 

one by one, choice by choice, decision by decision, 

as they arise."    

~Gary Zukav

 So, when you choose to let go of someone or something 

that no longer serves your highest good,  it's helpful to remember; 

When one door closes, another door. . . will open.  

Yet sometimes, 

it's Hell in the Hallway!

Stepping into Charlie

There's a reason why they call it "puppy love"!

I picked up Charlie, our new puppy last Friday evening, and of course, nothing has been the same since.  He is adorable and a very good pup. Still, he is a puppy and quite a double handful. 

Those of you who have "survived" the puppy phase know the choice to move forward with a dog, starts with this demanding, exhausting responsibility.  Other than very little sleep and a lack of personal accomplishment , this little guy has already blessed our home, and me.

Charlie will meet Bryan tonight as he gets home from his annual trip to Cancun with his father and brother.  It actually has been a good opportunity for Charlie and me to bond and to begin to get into a structured schedule.  HA!, Charlie is doing a fine job of structuring me and my life around his schedule.

Making the decision to expand our family has been a process. Our beloved Ernie made his transition a year ago last December. He certainly lives among us and we are reminded of him daily in so many ways.  Yet our home and our lives became too quiet, empty, perhaps too convenient.  Not unsatisfactory by any means, just not filled with that daily unconditional love and joy that only a canine partner brings.  Ernie came to us at a time when our family yearned for a balancing, loving companion, and needed a source of comfort and entertainment.  Along the way, he served each one of us when we needed him the most.

During our search for the next perfect dog, I saw a photo of Charlie.  On paper, he met all of our criteria. Yet it was his eyes that called to me.  As I studied and stared into his eyes, I saw a familiar spark, a reminiscent light of love ... I sensed Ernie reaching out from that photo of Charlie. 

We made the decision.....to step into Charlie.  Almost immediately, the lessons and gifts began.  

So, this is what I have learned:

Even life's positive contributions can challenge and activate us.  Self doubt, insecurities, fear, and judgment run rapid in those early days of stepping into a new role, a new routine, a new way of being. 

No matter how tired, confused or frustrated we feel, it is still within us to do what is necessary. Each time I crawl out of bed, fumble to put on my boots, somehow attach his leash and successfully get him out to pee in the cold backyard,  I recognize my contribution to Charlie's health and success. And it's a good thing. (especially as I crawl back to bed for another 2-3 hours surface sleep.)  

Caring for another, no matter how small, is an act of kindness and compassion.  The passage of time has been altered and my heart has been cracked open to again, express itself.  That part of me that is selfless, loving and accepting shows up for Charlie. Similar to my experience when caring for my Dad, our new little puppy provides new meaning and fulfillment to my life.

Getting outside of ourselves, brings us back home. The priorities of the day have definitely shifted. My focus and  activity revolve around Charlie's needs and well being. He gets me out of myself and invites me to stretch to a broader perspective while focusing on what's in front of me. 

There's nothing like a puppy to give new meaning to living in the present. Charlie's energy and curiosity  are exhilarating.  Yet he is so fast at grabbing and chewing everything in his path, all I can do is attempt to keep up with him.  There is no room for my own distractions, activities, or electronics!

Adopting Charlie into our family has been both life challenging and enlightening. The quiet moments of connection, the sacrifice of my agenda, and the forced slower pace, fuel my awareness of what truly matters and celebrates my sense of connection and love.

February is the Month of LOVE

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 

For some, observing this holiday can trigger depression or resentment, as we look outside of ourselves ~ for Love. As long as we hold on to any resentment, we deny ourselves our ability to receive love or to be loving. 

Think about someone in your Life (it could be you) that you have been harboring resentment toward. There may be several, yet focus on the first person that comes to mind.

What specifically about them do you feel resentful? How long have you felt this way? Did these feelings originate with this person or have they been suppressed in you for a long time? Your answers may surprise you.

The origin of resentment is to "re-feel", a continuous re-feeling of an emotionally disturbing experience felt over and over again or relived in the mind. When we feel resentment toward another it can be identified in negative emotions such as anger or spite. Resentment toward ourselves expresses itself in bitterness and remorse.

If you were able to forgive this person, how might that make you feel? 

What would change as a result of your forgiving them?

To forgive...is to set a prisoner free

and discover that the prisoner was you.

~Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiving frees us from the past. It frees us from our limited thinking and false beliefs. When we forgive ourselves and others, it unlocks the chains that bind our hearts. Forgiveness allows us to reconnect with ourselves, to the light and love of who we are.

FORGIVENESS is our pathway to LOVE

LOVE is a state of being.

Right here. Right now, in the present moment ...

where LOVE resides.