Each Day a New Dawn

Each Day a New Dawn

“Letting go of our need to resist the new, the different, and the
 unfamiliar — allows us to move forward incrementally —
 to eventually embrace it.”

— Jani McCarty

This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced an uninvited, unwanted period of reckoning. I remember another time of great upheaval -which for me - was unprecedented, inconvenient and extremely uncomfortable.

Kind of like now.

The big difference between then and now was that while the outside world continued along pretty much as usual, my own familiar Life crumbled into unrecognizable pieces.

Not that my Life was going all that well to begin with. I had been spiraling down for several years, lost in an endless battle to fix myself and to regain some semblance of happiness, of my self-control. 

It was exhausting to try to manage my drinking and drugging while showing up daily, pretending to be normal.

You see I had lost my way. I had fallen off my path and couldn’t remember what was true for me. I was disillusioned by my beliefs and had strayed from what was really important in Life.

Kind of like now.

What I counted on for my reality, the outside influences that I relied on to define me and how my Life should look, drastically changed.

Nothing was the same. Piece by piece familiar aspects fell away. I felt disorientated, afraid, and certainly powerless.

Kind of like now.

Though Life’s true constant is change, we live our lives acting as if we have the power to control it. That is, until something catastrophic happens. Then we can be shaken from our core and our identity and sense of security feel threatened.

And therein lies our angst.

What I know to be true today is that we do have the power of choice! 

We have the power to choose our thoughts, focus, and attitudes. Daily we can choose how we respond to the events, situations, and circumstances of our lives. 

We have the power to choose how we treat ourselves. We choose how we teach others to treat us! And each time we interact with family, friends, colleagues or strangers, we choose who we are and how we show up!

Just knowing we possess the power to choose can elevate the trust we have for ourselves. This knowing allows us to let go of needing to resist whatever experience we have in the moment. When we make a conscious decision to let go, we open up to see new possibilities and to learn from the lessons Life is offering us. 

In present time, regardless of how it might look, we are empowered to make new choices that can heal and deepen the quality of our lives.
This is true for each and every one of us. 

Here are 5 lessons that still serve me, almost 32 years after choosing to get clean and sober:

1. Trust in a Higher Power.

   Whether a child of God, or a “spirit spark”, we are all an integral part of the great human connection. We are physical delegates for the Divine light of all there is. We are never alone. We cannot be separate from our source of knowing. When we listen with our hearts; clarity, guidance, and peace reveal through our intuition.
   We are empowered with courage, strength, compassion and love.

2. Practice personal responsibility. 

   Life happens for us, not to us. When we let go of needing to judge or blame others for our experience, we are free and supported to create what we want.

3. Live Life one day at a time.

   Life exists and expresses in the present. The present is where God is. When we stay focused on the moment, we are given all we need to take our next right step. We must be present to win!

   Now more than ever we understand that today is the gift we’ve been given and tomorrow is promised to no one. 

4. Take daily personal inventory.

   Be consistent in assessing thoughts, behaviors and the language we use with ourselves and others. Notice whatever feels out of sync with who we are or how we want to be. Consciously make choices and take action to correct, heal and realign.

5. Live in Gratitude.
   We choose to focus on seeing the infinite ways our lives bless us.
   We practice seeing the good in our experiences, in our relationships, and in our opportunities for change. We develop our gratitude muscle by continuously reaching for that good and expressing ourselves in gratefulness.

PONDER THIS

What could you let go of resisting in your Life today?

BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE!

BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE!

“No amount of self-improvement can make up for
any lack of self-acceptance.”

— Robert Holden

If you’re like me, you might have sighed a bit of relief when January ended. January has a reputation for demanding that we make a big push to complete everything that didn’t get finished, accomplished or experienced last year.

For most of us, this isn’t a new challenge. It’s  just a new version of wishing that has cycled around again.

Rather than engaging in forward momentum we can get stuck in what we believe might be lacking in our lives. From this self-imposed pressure, we begin to judge and criticize ourselves for not doing or being more!

Which brings us into February; the month of love.

The hoax of February is that love and acknowledgement can be found outside of ourselves. We search for validation from others as proof that we are more than we’ve been judging ourselves to be!

And here is where Robert Holden’s quote provides us some clarity and direction.

No matter what effort we make to improve ourselves, we will fail if we  come from a place of self-judgment. We must learn to acknowledge and accept where we are in the present, before we can successfully make any changes.

Here are 3 daily practices that I use to help me to be present and to process the energies that can sabotage my growth and happiness. I offer these as a guideline to support you to Be Your Own Valentine:

1) Monitor your Self-Talk. You know that constant berating that goes round in your head, questioning your decisions, doubting your abilities,  and judging your value? Listen to the language you use when you talk to yourself or about yourself with others.

When you become aware of how negative or condescending you sound, stop! Take a deep breath and then reframe what you have said to yourself in a positive supportive way.
 
- Ask yourself if what you just said is really true?
 - Restate your message in the same voice and words you would use
    when talking with a child, a close friend, or your beloved pet.
- When you hear yourself use the word “should,” replace it with “could.”
     
It’s amazing how changing one word can transform the entire emotional energy of your message.
     
2) Random Forgiveness. The moment you become aware you are beating yourself up for a perceived or perhaps real mistake you’ve made, practice this short energy shifter.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions out loud:
Could I let go of needing to beat myself up about this, just for now?
Breathe. (yes)
Just for now, could I forgive myself for whatever mistake I believe I’ve made?
Breathe. (yes) 
And when I forgive myself, how does that make me feel?
Breathe. (state the feeling - good, better, relieved)
Could I allow myself to just feel (your feeling) for now?
Breathe. (yes)  

Developing a spontaneous practice of forgiving yourself may seem a bit lame or unnecessary. Yet when we make a habit of checking in with ourselves to clear our personal judgements, we give our negative energies a way to dissipate before we can stuff them!

3) Acknowledge & Accept. Each time we catch ourselves doing something good, or following through to complete something important to us, we cast a ripple of appreciation on our hearts.

When we make a point to acknowledge ourselves (out loud is always most powerful) we ease out our resistance and create a space for self-acceptance.

When we let go of our need to make ourselves more, we set ourselves free! From this place of self-acceptance, we can see, love and appreciate who we already are!

PONDER THIS:

What are 3 ways you could be kind, loving, and accepting of yourself this Valentine’s Day?

Holiday Presence

Holiday Presence

“If you are wondering when is the best time to make a
change in your Life, remind yourself ~ any NOW will do.”

— Robert Holden, Shift Happens!

As December unfolds Christmas and our holiday celebrations many hearts will soften and pause in reflection.

Some of us will renew our resolve to be more loving, to forgive more readily and to live with greater tolerance and compassion.

And some will begin to review the passing of another year, and with this year end, the passing of a decade.

Will we be kind and loving as we examine our successes and analyze our shortcomings?

This is a great time of year for going within, for hibernation, for a Winters’ rest.

During introspection we rekindle the power that comes from our inner dialogue. By asking ourselves questions we open a conduit that allows our true selves to answer.

I’ve learned through contemplation the gifts of clarity, focus and direction can come. Insightful bold messages can surface that challenge me to wake up. And in this new state of awareness I feel fortified to make my important changes now!

It is now where we reconnect with our true path, engage our innate power, and shift our focus to realign with our Divine purpose.

Here is an exercise I use that helps me with my year end process. I invite you to join me by asking yourself these 5 simple (tho not easy) questions. Perhaps like me - you’ll want to record your answers in a journal you keep.

Ask yourself aloud, one question at a time. Remember to Breathe. Allow your answers to flow out with your exhales. Celebrate your discoveries!

Ponder This

1. How have I been blessed this year?

2. What behavior or habit am I ready to let go of?

3. What do I want more of in my Life?

4. Who am I ready to forgive to set myself free?

5. When I show up next year . . .Who do I choose to be?

The Space of Grace

The Space of Grace

“This hurry and busyness are not your real Life.
Your real Life is in the spaces between all that.
It is here that you connect to what truly inspires you.”

— Robert Holden

It’s that time of year folks! Halloween has come and gone. Black Friday and the ultimate gift ads have begun to inundate our world. The holiday seasons of past and present are upon us.

This is the time of year when our good intentions often take a back seat to “showing up” as usual. We can react to seasonal triggers by behaving in our old familiar ways.

Unless of course, we consciously choose to have a different experience this year. That’s what I’ve decided to do and I hope you’ll join me.

Here are 3 practices that help me connect with inspiration during the chaotic holiday season and throughout the year.

1- “I have enough time. The truth is, I have enough time.”

When I begin to feel the pressure to hurry and that anxious energy brewing inside, I take a deep grounding breath and state the above out loud.

Affirming out loud I have enough time is especially helpful when I connect with myself in the mirror. When I get ready for an appointment or merge into heavy traffic, it just seems to flow more easily when I believe I have enough time.

Each of us have been given the same amount of time. It is our perception of it that determines our choices and the quality of our experience.

2- If my initial gut response to an invitation or a social opportunity is not an absolute Yes; then it’s a NO!  

It’s lovely to be invited, to feel acknowledged, to be chosen. While that’s true, we often make choices to participate out of obligation, from a needy place, or out of habit. We continue to do what we’ve always done!

There’s nothing wrong with spending our time, attention, and energy engaged with others in festivities. Yet, it is essential to our well being to continuously check in for direction and discernment.

It’s amazing what our heart will tell us when we ask and then pause long enough to listen.

 3- Make Gratitude your ultimate gift of the season.

 When I have the pleasure to lead grace before Thanksgiving dinner,

one of my favorites comes from Melody Beattie:

 “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of Life.
 It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home,
a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and
creates a vision for tomorrow.”

 PONDER THIS

How do you find Grace in the spaces of your Life?

Reviving My Dreams

Reviving My Dreams

“My dreams are waiting for me to come true.”

— Temple Hayes

What? Wait a minute. That doesn’t sound right. My dreams are waiting for Me to come true?  Oh…NOW I get it.

This past year, I have been visiting my creative self from a critical, perhaps untrusting place. Turning 65 in May somehow jinxed my appreciation for all that I have accomplished and more specifically, hindered my faith in my ability to create more!

I was asked in a coaching session, what accomplishments must happen so I consider my Life to have been satisfying and well-lived?

Easily the milestones of my 31 years of sobriety, motherhood, and publishing my first book -flowed up in response. What I valued next was providing for my family, showing up daily with integrity, traveling and experiencing other cultures, practicing with myself and others -forgiveness and love.

But it was the next question I was asked that really stumped me.

What secret ambition, desire or dream do I fantasize about?

My mind went blank. I searched for an answer and came up with nothing. Hum…apparently I hadn’t fantasized in a very long time. And as I looked at that void in my Life, I realized I’d missed out on all the natural joy that comes with it.

Most of my Life I’ve imagined how I’d like the next decade or phase of my Life to look. My dreams generally presented with intuitive clarity and I set goals to move forward in my chosen direction. Somewhere in my mid 50’s, my clearly defined path became obscure and disjointed. Not in a bad way, just uncharted, unfamiliar, I felt ignorant to the new possibilities.

Do you remember a time (the 70’s perhaps?) when folks who were “reborn” talked about finding God? I always enjoyed hearing the cheeky response, Oh? I didn’t know God was lost!

Similarly, it was not my dreams that were lost, but my connection to my intuition and focus. As I thought about the dreams that were waiting for me, a slow internal smile warmed through my heart.

Of course my dreams wait for me. They’re my dreams! They belong to me and are of my own creation. My dreams wait for me- ever so patiently- to imagine, to align vibrationally, and to take responsible action to manifest them!

My dreams are the parts of me I have yet to express to the outside world.

I sat with this awareness for a bit. I traveled back through the year to discover that I had been fantasizing all along- it just looked and felt different than before.

My ambitions, desires, and dreams have actually evolved into 3 categories, a kind of triangular foundation for self expression:

🕉 Personal Self Care

I returned to Nick’s Pro Fitness after an 8 year hiatus since my Mother died. Nick Kapande still inspires and motivates me to stay aligned with my personal integrity and self-discipline.

In just 3 weeks, my physical, mental, and emotional health have been rejuvenated. I’m enjoying a renewed sense of belonging and connection. And most importantly, I feel really good about myself and my health!

☯️ Cultivate Quality Relationships

One thing I learned from my nasty fall in June, is that my new equine partner Milo, speaks a whole different language than the one I knew with Peanut Butter. Our initial bond remains strong and true. Yet now I realize the value of learning together- the rhythm and dance of a new relationship.

I reconnected with Tanya Buck, my original trainer, riding coach, and long time friend. With Tanya to help show us the way, I trust Milo and I are in for a beautiful journey together.

☸️ My Professional Contribution

Three years ago I closed my business office and classroom. I wrote my Celebrate! book and blogs from home. I traveled to meet with my coaching clients at the library, in conference rooms, back tables at restaurants, while hiking outdoors, and in their private homes. It all worked well until it didn’t. 

I acknowledged my deep desire for my own creative, quiet, space.

I believed I deserved to have it. I gave myself permission and honored my decision by taking action.

And just like that, my new perfect office surfaced! It has space for small groups, coaching, and even a writing nook. It’s within walking distance from home and preserves the old Evergreen energy and charm that I have treasured for over 39 years. Already my enthusiasm and creativity are reignited and I haven’t even moved in! 

PONDER THIS 

What action could you take to honor a dream that you fantasize about?